why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
