you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
