Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
