I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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