You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
