I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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