So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
