lets start a swedish sibling band together
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize