When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
