when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
