I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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