doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
