can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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