So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
