my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize