you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
