"it" just moved
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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