I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
