so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
