I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
