Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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