UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
