Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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