Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
