I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
