just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
