We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
