Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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