Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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