How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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