I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
