I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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