dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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