i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
