you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
