I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
