A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
