I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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