the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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