Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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