Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
