The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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