I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
