I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
