Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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