You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
