I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize