you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
