I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
