it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize