You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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