You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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