How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
