I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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