She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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