we're chasing vodka with high fives
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
