...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
