I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
