OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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