So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
